As some of you may know, I've been holding back on my celebrations, since writing my final exam on Monday, because I've been terrified that my grades will come back to haunt me and that I'll be required to take another semester - thereby turning my celebrations into some sad, drunken mess of 'Whyyyy meeee????'s .
I'm still slightly concerned about one of my marks, but after a call into the school, I've decided to let my hair down a little and accept that I'm a university graduate. I am tentatively saying 'IT'S OVERRRR!!!!!.... I hope' (seriously... waiting for the cruel joke here...).
I'm not usually a pessimist.
I'm more of a realist, with an optimistic habit.
Taking 6 courses this semester, however, means that the realist in me is shouting 'NO WAY did you pass all those! Get your head out of the clouds.'
This is probably because in first year, I took a semester of only 4 courses, and managed to fail one. Leaving me to make up for 2 missed marks - explaining the 6 courses of the semester in question - and telling me that I'm really not the student who can tackle a buttload of courses at once.
So yes, there's a reason I'm so hung up on my grades.
And I'm throwing it to the wind!
Let me believe, at least until I see that transcript, that I'm successful in my efforts, because my god did I ever kill myself this semester in text books (and study snacks).
I'm telling myself that it was all worth it.
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| SOOO worth the crazy. |
I can see myself on the cover of a pamphlet in a guidance counsellor's office, 'Graduating? What now?' it says, with my head tilted and pensive - as if the clouds had the answers.
I'm just such an indecisive person, and at such a turning point in my life, I'm driving myself a little crazy.
But then I take a step back.
I'm 21. Who says these choices have to be made right now?
The only choices that matter to me today are how to make money to see the world. So by following my own question, I know exactly what I'll be doing for the next year or two.
I'm gonna find a job, whether it pays well or not, I just need an income.
I'm gonna work until I've got a happy looking bank account again.
I'm subsequently going to rip that account open, and pour it into plane tickets, accommodations and maybe a fancy camera.
 |
| I could take this on a point-n-shoot, right? |
Right now, I get some me-time.
And it's telling me that spanish isn't learned in a classroom, it's learned in Spain or South America or Mexico. And teaching english abroad doesn't happen with your Master's, it happens with an online course I can take over the summer.
One thing at a time folks, I'll figure myself out.
But until then...
I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL!!!!
**apologies for the existential-crisis-y post.
***you should watch this now.
4 comments:
Reading your post reminded me a lot about my own worries during the weeks leading up to my college graduation. I could almost swear that we share the same brain!
You're right. You're young. Get a job so you can save up to pursue your dreams of seeing the world. I'm kind of on the same boat. :) Break a leg!
Love the photos!
Your existentialist crisis is completely 100% normal. I've been going through one for 2 years (since graduating).
I've been working and saving money for the past 9 months. Just make sure not to get caught up in work (MOST people do), and keep your dreams in mind! Easier said than done, but you can do it if you keep a good support group around you and stay inspired :)
Courtney
I feel you on this one. I'm graduating May 13th and while I've never worried about grades before, I'm now afraid that I'll fail a class or something - talk about bad timing. I'm going down the "just get a job" part, too, but it's proving to be not-so-great.
Good luck and congratulations!
Wow thats crazy, I feel exactly the same!! I finish uni for good in a couple of weeks and I have no idea what I'm gonna do after that, its such a weird transit period. Now I'm thinking about saving money from my part-time jobs and then going travelling in october. hope you figure it out!
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